Cancer... Again?

This is a big question that I have no answer to yet. On Nov. 30th I went for my routine PAP and since there have been problems in that area the doctor is doing some tests. I had a suspicious ultrasound and it showed some thickening of the uterus and a small cyst (no problem with it) so it was decided to do a uterine biopsy. I had it done last week. The doctor was unable to get to the uterus but what he did get on the cervix has come back negative. That is one step closer to answers and a blessing. The next step is a D&C on Jan. 13th. Then we wait for the results. Why am I telling this? I promised that this would be a journey I shared so here is my bump in the road on that journey.
Today is my 49th birthday and I have had a lot of time to reflect on how blessed I am. I have a new grand baby on the way so I have a lot to fight for if it is cancer.  That is what I do... hunker down and fight. If not I will shout and praise God and continue on until time for me to go home. Either way it is what it is and I know God has a plan for it and will use it. After all, in my first post I asked Him to use me right?
As Christmas approaches I hope we can all put the things of this world on the back burner and realize what Christmas is truly about. A baby does change everything and I thank Christ for being that baby. Love and Merry Christmas to you all!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Monday I went back to the surgeon and all looks well on the expansion. Now we let things heal and do the reconstruction after the holidays.
As I think about my life this year I know I so blessed. I have a home, food, clean water and all the comforts our country affords. I am thankful for all of this and for the men and women who fight to keep us safe so we can live in a free country. So many countries do not have the luxuries we have as Americans yet we forget what and who is important.  I am especially thankful to God who has blessed me with all that I have. Without Him I am nothing... but with Him I am everything. Thank you Father for your love.
Last but not least I am so thankful for my family. I have a wonderful husband, smart and handsome son, beautiful daughter, a son-in-law who I love as much as if I had given birth to him, a funny, beautiful, precious granddaughter and a sweet grandbaby due next year. Thank you God for them all!
Happy Thanksgiving to you all... Love and prayers from our home to yours.

She Who Wears A Pink Ribbon

My husband gave me the most beautiful bookmark the other day. This is what it says....

She Who Wears A Pink Ribbon

Some women face the impossible...
an internal battle for life
that connects them with
a strength they never
knew they had.
Each has an opportunity
to reach further than
she ever dreamed possible.

With the heart of a true survivor,
she sets the course of her journey,
expanding her horizons
to share her knowledge
with those around her.
Most of all, she serves as
a shining example
of how to survive.

Her constant prayer...
a cure in her lifetime.

For herself, her family
and her friends,
she wears a pink ribbon.

- Suzy Toronto

Thanks Wayne. I love you more than you could possibly know.

Final Expansion

I finished my last expansion today. Other than muscle spasms in my chest all is well. I am ready to finish this but it takes time. At least it will be finished by the time my new grandchild arrives :) Emily Daniel and Lydia are expecting and we should have a better due date on the 17th. I go on the 21st so that the surgeon can make sure all looks fine and then in a few months we do the big surgery and after 6 weeks I should be good to go. As Thanksgiving approaches I have so much to be thankful for. I am one blessed lady and I am so thankful for all God does. I don't deserve it but I am  humbled and thankful that He loves me anyways.

Expansion #7

I wish I could say this was the last but alas it was not meant to be. On a happy note when I go back on the 3rd I will only have 50cc's to go since I took 90 today. So the end to this part of the process is almost over. I will not lie to you... I hurt this afternoon. Between my fibromyalgia, arthritis and this expansion I am in serious pain. I started the day off good and even went to Paint the Town PINK. It was wonderful and the guest speaker was so inspiring! I enjoyed hearing her story.
Until my next entry ... thanks for the prayers and love to you all.

Mammogram Day

Yes it was that time again and those closest to me know I am scared when I go. Up until today I have always had someone go with me "just in case".  This time I decided I was a big girl and I could handle it. However, on the way there my mind wandered to the place it always goes.... what if it shows something, can you handle it, etc. That is when I heard a soft voice ask "Why are you looking for problems? Wait until it actually happens and then we deal with it." It was then I realized I was not alone and God had not only calmed my nerves but had gently scolded me about worrying when I didn't need to. I guess there will always be that small fear in the back of my mind but I know I am not alone and that is where I need to focus so the fear stays at bay. I am not perfect, I am still a work in progress but I am thankful for gentle reminders when I need them. The mammogram by the way.... all clear for 6 more months. Praise the Lord!

Expansion #6

100 cc's today! Only 1 possibly 2 more expansions to go. I hope just 1 more. We will decide on the 20th. So far I am sore from it being more but that is all part of it. After my last expansion, Wayne, Andrew and I all had a bad stomach virus. Compared to that I would rather hurt a little.
I did not realize until the doctor told me, how easy it is to pop an expansion. He told me a patient had popped hers lacing her boots. So yea, guess I will be extra careful.
Thanks for the prayers... love until the next time.

Expansion #5

Today I got another 80 cc's and all seems to be going well. I had some problems with my neck and shoulder from the last time and I still can't sit for long periods of time. By the end of the day I have very little energy left. I am blessed however to be at this point in my journey.
Today has been a day of many emotions. Emily and Lydia were here for a week and left going back home today. I miss them already and even though I know I will see them at the end of October it makes me sad when they leave. My doctor's appointment was early so I kissed them good-bye and told them I loved them. At least I missed the meltdown Lydia would have had since I couldn't go home with her.
I stopped on the way home by the hospital and visited Wayne's Uncle Frankie who has cancer. I got to see alot of family while I was there.
When I got home I found out a friend had passed away from cancer. Anita was only 50.... I will be 49 this year. Makes me count my blessings. I know though when the journey is over I will walk through the gates of Heaven.
Seems like everyday I hear about someone with cancer. My best advice to anyone is to trust God. He has a plan, He is with you and you praise Him in the good times and the bad times. If He allows you to stay awhile you are blessed. If He calls you home you are blessed beyond anything this world can provide.
Thanks for the prayers....love to you all until next time!

Expansion #4

Today did not start out well. A little after 7 AM I get a call from my daughter saying she was in pain and headed to the ER. After several hours it was determined that she had a severe urinary tract infection, fluid on one ovary from a burst cyst and another cyst on the other ovary. Add to all this I live over 3 hours away from her. Not a good feeling for a Mom but  she has an awesome nurse... I am thankful for a wonderful son-in-law. As all of this is winding down and I am getting ready to go to my appointment my son walks in the door and says his back and knees are hurting. He just had major back surgery last year so this concerns me too. Hopefully it is just the cool weather causing his pain. So yeah, rough morning.
The surgeon says things are looking good with the expansion. I may only need 3 or 4 more so things are looking good for Jan. I only had 80cc's today. They will probably become smaller because it becomes harder to stretch. The numbness is wearing off and the pain is starting. At least Wayne is sleeping if the snoring in the bedroom is any indication :)
God never promises each day will be easy, but I sure am thankful that He promises never to leave us. I sure have needed Him by my side today.
Until next time....love and prayers to you all.

Expansion #3

100 cc's today and already feeling it. I am halfway expanded and once we expand all the way I will have to wait 2-3 months before the implant, reduction and lift. So that should happen if all goes well sometime in Jan. I am already hurting some since the numbness has worn off and the healing from inside makes my scar itch. He said this is all normal and many patients have this. I feel like a little kid padding her bra on one side but I am thankful I can wear a normal bra as of today :) Could always be worse and believe me I thank God for my blessings each day. I have good days and bad days with it since I have fibromyalgia but the good outweighs the bad. I hear each day about someone with cancer. It knows no age and my heart breaks for each of them. There is one thing though if you know the Lord... He WILL heal you...either here or when you go home. To me that is a win/win situation even though none of us want to leave our loved ones behind. While you are here though you fight and do what needs to be done and you let God use and lead you. The blessings are enormous if you do :) Until next post... love and prayers to you all!

Expansion #2

I got 90cc's today. Whoooo Hooooo I am growing :) I also got the dreaded second drain out. Yep been a good day. Last few days have been bad days because the antibiotics the last month have given me issues and I probably dehydrated some. I am feeling better though and will go back in 10 days for the third expansion. I am a little sore today and probably will be for a few since we expanded more. Now to get rid of the elastic band hopefully next time :)

Checking in...

Today has been an ok day. I get to keep my drain until Monday :( Not happy about it but would rather it stay and finish it's job than take it out and have major problems. I have Lydia this week and that helps alot in some ways. I love this baby more than life it's self. I am having to be careful that I don't pick her up or over extend but so far she has been good about helping me do it without problems. So far we have had a wonderful time :)
My heart has been heavy for a few days now. Two people I love so much are hurting and all I can do is put it in God's hands and pray. I know that with God all things are possible and He can do anything. I know He has a plan... I just pray all parties hear what He has to say.
Keep the prayers coming please... for me and the reconstruction and for my unspoken. Thanks and love to you all...

Expansion #1

I had a really good visit with the surgeon today. I was a little disappointed that my drain has to stay until Monday but I would rather be safe than sorry later.
So what is expansion and what do you need to know? When I had surgery they put in an expander that has saline injected every 10 days or so. They explained each step to me and until I had it done, it sounded really painful. They use a small device and locate my port. This is similar to the one I had chemo with but is part of the expander. He then numbed the area and inserted the needle. I was told to expect a pinch when it hit muscle. I felt the pinch but I have had mosquito bites that hurt worse. Then the doctor will start injecting 10cc's at a time and you have to tell him when it starts to tighten. I got to 50cc's when I felt it. He said he really wanted to try for 60cc's so I told him to go for it. Since it felt the same he was able to give me all 70cc's.  They told me I would be sore tonight and tomorrow and then it gets better each day. I still have the band around my chest and will for 6 weeks. This keeps everything pushed down so I do not have a boob on my shoulder. Seriously, perky boobs are great at my age but not THAT perky....just saying LOL.
Thanks for all the prayers and please keep them coming. This is new territory for me and can be a little scary at times. I am just thankful I have a God who listens and walks with me each step. I pray this blog answers questions for anyone who needs them. Please feel free to leave me a comment or email if I can help you with your journey. Love and thanks to you all.

Almost 2 weeks :)

Tomorrow will be my 2 week mark and I am thankful. Hopefully last drain will come out but I am not sure it will. At least I know it will eventually :) . I will also get to drive again and I am so happy about that. It is tough being dependant on someone to drive you around. I have sympathy for people who can't drive for various reasons. I have had good days and bad days but each is 1 day closer to the end. I want to sleep alot on the days that I have alot to do. My body lets me know when too much is too much. Praise the Lord we finally got Andrew registered and all his fall classes set. I love the staff at Huntingdon College. They are AWESOME! Tonight I am actually cooking dinner. Meatloaf, saffron rice, salad and biscuits. Wayne will be so happy...LOL. Bless that man. He has eaten everything set in front of him on the nights he has worked :)
Emily sent me this awesome site http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/The-SCAR-Project/255064983743 and it shows alot of what people go through with masectomies. These young women are an inspiration.  Here is the main link http://www.thescarproject.org/ . I agree - Breast Cancer is more than a pink ribbon!!!!
More tomorrow after I see my awesome surgeon :)

Emotions

When you hear the big "C" word you have so many emotions. Fear, sadness, confusion and any other emotion you can think of. With me it was terror and my main concern was get the cancer out of my body and then we would deal with the after effects later. That is where I am today. It has not been an easy journey but one I am glad I took because it has made me the person I am today. The main thing is my relationship with God. I have always loved God but was always the type person who tried to solve everything on my own and not ask for His guidance. I am closer to Him today and I know that whatever happens He is always there even when it doesn't feel like it sometimes. I know this because He promises to never leave nor forsake me. I am not saying everything in my life is great but I know if I seek His plans for me I am where I need to be.
I also have different priorities. My family means the world to me and I have the most awesome husband, son, daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter I could ever be blessed with. My extended family is pretty great too. Then there is my family of chritian believers. How can I be more blessed than that?
It has taken me a long time to get where I am but I think I have grown alot in the last 5 years. In the past year with lots of prayers I know who I am... I am Betty and she has so many facets. Heir to the throne, wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister and friend among a few. I am not a mistake, no one's tragedy and here because God put me here. I am loved. I am blessed. I am God's child. Even when people hurt  me or let me down I know He will not.
Why am I telling you this? Because most people who have masectomy's and cancer treatment have low self-esteem sometimes. They no longer feel whole. Some people feel none of this. This is where reconstruction becomes a personal choice. For me it is finishing this chapter of my life so that a new one begins. I thank my friend Joyce for helping me realize this. I struggled with how to explain it and she helped put in prospective.
Today has been a decent day and I go back next week to have 2nd drain removed and injection. Yes it is painful but prayer sure does help ease it :)

Post-Op Visit

My trip to the surgeon was interesting. Andrew and my adopted child Will Butt took me. Put these 2 together and they will entertain you! Needless to say it was not boring going or coming back. Just don't let them have energy drinks!
Today went really well with the surgeon. I was able to have 1 drain removed and hopefully the other on the 17th if not sooner. The best part is that he said I could take a shower!! Yeah and it isn't even Saturday :) The weekend was kinda tough with yesterday being the worse day. I still hurt but not as much as I did. When I go back I will have my 1st expansion since surgery so it seems like this will be a biweekly thing for awhile. Just as long as he stops before I look like Dolly will be ok...LOL I want to thank everyone for the prayers. God has blessed us richly with friends and family who aren't afraid to lift others in prayer and we are so grateful for them.
Andrew is cooking dinner tonight. Chicken tenders, mac and cheese and califlower. Ice Cream for desert :). Sure it's pre-cooked tenders, boxed mac and cheese and steam in bag califlower but it will be awesome. Love always makes any food taste better. I am just blessed I have a son who will try to cook :) I sure do love my kids and granddaughter!
Well it has been a tiring and busy day so it's time for this lady to rest. Love and thanks to you all!

Day 3

Today has been a good day so far. The pain is manageable and I actually got a bath and Wayne washed my hair for me. That in itself made me feel so much better. Now that I am more aware of my surroundings I will explain what has happened so far. When I had surgery that put in saline expanders and a mesh material to hold them in place. I will have drainage tubes for a few weeks and on antibiotics. This website will explain alot of what is done and is going to be done: http://www.breastreconstruction.ca/implant.htm The hospital staff was so good to me and I am thankful for all they did.
Wayne has been chief cook and bottle-washer so far and is doing a good job taking care of me. He has a boston butt cooking right now and it smells awesome. I sure do love this man! God has blessed me beyond anything I can imagine.

home...

I made it home last night and was so glad to be here. Surgery went fine but man am I sore!! My first thoughts when I woke up was oh no what did I do?!?!?? I will not lie to you... having expanders put in hurts! Thank goodness for pain medications. I had a few problems with my blood sugar spiking but other than that it went as to be expected. I go back Monday to the doctor. What to expect if you have this done:
1. You cannot come home and be Wonder Woman. You will be lucky if you feel like Smurfette.
2. Make sure you have help because the first couple of days you will need it.
3. Follow doctors order and take your meds. Don't try to tough it out.... you will loose.
4. Sleep when you can.
5. Walk around some if you can.

Thanks for all the love and prayers that have been sent our way. They have been the best medicine possible. More to follow as I gather my thoughs and the fog clears....

The joys of Pre-Op

Went this afternoon and got pre-op done. They were wonderful to me and I had an awesome pre-op nurse named Gloria. She was wonderful at her job and by the time I left I felt I known her forever. I am so happy that God put her in my path today because she was just what I needed. When she finished she took me to have my blood drawn. Sometimes even Dracula would get frustrated trying to get my blood. It is not uncommon to get stuck multiple times which was the case today. I try to think of it as me being so sweet they have to have more than one taste!!
Wayne asked me this morning if I was ready for this. After thinking for a few seconds I told him yes I was. I made it through the last 5 years, masectromy, chemo and everything before and after. This is just another journey I take with my Father down the road. Whatever happens, I know He will be right there.
Wayne, Andrew and I compiled our grocery lists and I will go shopping tomorrow. My guys will be my cooks and waiters after surgery for a few weeks. Needless to say my grocery list is interesting! I know they will take good care of me though because Wayne can cook as good as I can and Andrew does ok with his "specialties" too. Wayne had an awesome teacher because my Mother-in-law is the best cook on earth so I know he will do great.
Prayers are always appreciated and I thank you in advance for them. Will post more on my adventure when I get home next week :)

The journey begins....

August 3, 2011 will begin the big day. I have prayed and waited 5 years for this journey. I promised myself that after I reached my 5 year milestone I would look into my options of reconstruction. This blog will be my personal journey and I know that all people are different, but possibly someone else can benefit from my journey. This trip begins with alot of prayer and faith. I will start with expanders being inserted next week. I hear that this is painful.... I will let you know :) The doctor tells me I will be severely limited for 6 weeks. I am used to limitations so I will do what I always do and work around them.
Most people who know me, will understand how hard this will be to put myself out there for the world to read. However, I feel this is something I need to do. I believe God has a plan for us all. I also know that whatever our journey, He is always there with us. He has shown me this time and again over the past 5 years. Whatever your sitituation, God can use you. So here I go... God please use me in this.